Lullabies and reveilles. Something for the late nighters and early risers.

July 8, 2007: Nudist Funeral Procession

Listen to this show:  Pop-up player!

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives, whether we want to or not. And remember my friend, these future events will affect you. The future is in your hands! So let us remember the past, honor the present, and be amused at the future."

"I predict the day of severity in dress will soon be at hand, almost Puritanical in style, with no beads, no jangles, no bracelets. Men and women will wear exactly the same makeup, the same style of hair dress, and, if required, the same type of wig. I was not allowed to say on television, radio, or have it appear in my column, as the advertisers would clomp down on me, and clomp very heavily."

"I further predict: The new age of nudity for the human body will be glorified. Body designs, self painted, will take up most of your spare time. Women will decorate their breasts with startling colors, while men will decorate their genitals. Those who are politically orientated will always print body slogans on themselves, and this will take the place of the present-day bumper stickers. Subdued colors will be used in the cloth, but riotous colors will be painted on your body."

"I predict that LSD, marijuana, and speed can change your sex. You will tell your Aunt Tillie that she's really, could be, Uncle Fred."

"I predict full medical attention by vending machines. I predict in the future it will be highly possible to have an appendix operation, give birth to a child, or receive an abortion, have a heart transplant, a hair transplant, or even a brain transplant--by vending machine. Your own weight will be controlled by vending machine, for ten cents worth of radaric rays."

"I predict embalming by radar, where the body is turned to indestructable stone. The body will be placed in a fiberglass casket, which does not corrode, rot, or burn. Your great, great, great grandchildren will be able to look upon your countenance and see how handsome you really were. However, I predict, if you wish a sacred cremation, your ashes can be placed in a small warhead missle and fired into outerspace, where you would essentially and eternally continue your journey"

"I predict that nudist funeral processions will not end up at the cemetery, but at some police station."

You can listen to these and many more Amazing Predictions from Criswell himself on Ken's Blog