Where You Goin' With That Toothpick?: Ken's show

Listener comments!

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6:39am Ken:

Mornin' all! Who can think of songs (REAL songs) that are shorter than 16 seconds?

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6:54am Ken From Hyde Park:

How about "Aphrodite's Child" by Ofis?

6:56am Mark S:

Morning
REAL songs?

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7:02am Ken From Hyde Park:

Oops...I transposed that, sorry. Aphrodite's Child is the group and "Ofis" is their short song.

7:32am Yvang:

"Miracle cure" by the Who (12 sec)

7:34am Yvang:

and good morning

7:35am Yvang:

www.youtube.com...

7:37am F✩F✩ (:

Hola Ken, amigos!

7:38am F✩F✩ (:

John Cage - As Slow As Possible (approx. 5597640 hrs)

7:45am Jack:

"You Suffer" is a song by the British grindcore band Napalm Death, from their debut album, Scum. The song has earned a place in the Guinness Book of Records as the shortest recorded song ever. It is precisely 1.316 seconds long.

8:08am Okasa:

The Beatle's "Your Majesty" is 0:23, that's close. Also, at the end of Sgt. Pepper's, there is that looping "song" that is really short. "… never could be any other way"

8:12am Okasa:

Good Morning. Good morning everybody. Everybody everywhere. Good morning.

8:36am Mark S:

"Newest H.C. Song #1" by Anal Cunt from their opus "Everyone Should Be Killed" is 13 seconds l

8:39am jeff:

the descendents - i like food. not great but it's like 16 seconds

8:45am Robert:

Sorry I got on a topic last week & wouldn't let it drop.

8:48am Robert:

Now I'm thinking about how many takes the lady catching her bra & pistol must've taken.

8:52am groucho:

Mornin'

8:55am groucho:

That bra & gun gif is now my favourite thing

9:00am Brendan:

Didacts and narpets is pretty short

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9:01am Ken From Hyde Park:

@groucho - I hope you clicked its star, because it's gone now.

9:01am berlusconi's nose:

Really?

9:01am berlusconi's nose:

DNA

9:03am Sem Chumbo:

So this is where all those missing dogs pop up.

9:05am Marcel M:

Morning allllll

9:05am Dan B From Upstate:

Ooh. Satanicpornocultshop! (That's a phrase I never pictured myself saying...)

9:06am GeesyCreesy:

The Fingertips Sweet at the end of They Might Be Giants' Apollo 18 has about 17 songs that are under 16 seconds.

9:07am Will:

Weird Paul has a whole slew of very short songs. I just sent him a message. If he's awake, you'll get an earful.

9:08am OTB:

"All of Us" from Metheny/Coleman's Song X is fifteen seconds.

9:08am berlusconi's nose:

It's 9 pm here in Beijing. Good night all!

9:09am GeesyCreesy:

Ugh, I meant "Suite", not "sweet". I messed up.

9:09am Sam:

Yeahhhhhhhhhh

9:13am glenn:

jeeeez. the 'peg isn't THAT bad.

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9:14am Ken From Hyde Park:

Ken, you might be able to poach something from Kenny G's program from 2009 - www.wfmu.org...

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9:16am AnAnonymousParty:

"Star Trek probably isn't a documentary."

9:17am Michael:

There was this 60 second song competition thing on some radio station a few years ago. They weren't 16 seconds but some were pretty short. Wish I could remember what station and who organized it...

9:18am bobdoesthings:

gooodmorning all.

9:19am Sam:

Super mellow this morning. Soooo relaxing.

9:19am bobdoesthings:

ah I sent this ken this repeating cat gif!

9:21am Marcel M:

Mornin' Bon

9:21am Marcel M:

I mean bob

9:21am glenn:

did you see this, bob? twitter.com...

9:21am Mikey Capone:

"Her Magesty" clocks in at 23 secs.

9:22am Dr. Goot:

Goot Mornin'

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9:22am Ken From Hyde Park:

I guess that rules out all the sound effects recordings as they're not real songs.

9:23am berlusconi's nose:

Yes you can!

9:25am Neg-guh-tor:

Ivor Cutler's 'I'm Happy' is pretty short.

9:26am glenn:

if only pharrell's happy was equally as short.

9:26am northguineahills:

Naked City's "Gob of Spit" is maybe 8 seconds.

9:27am todd:

There are a couple 20 second songs on Magnetic Field's 69 love songs. Maybe deft editing can lop off the offending seconds

9:27am northguineahills:

Nope, it's 20 seconds, b/c the first 12 seconds is silence.

9:27am northguineahills:

is=are

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9:28am Ken From Hyde Park:

Is it cheating of you play a short song backwards and count it as unique? Or take a longer song and speed it way up?

9:29am F✩F✩ (:

What if we shrink the John Cage song to last only 16 secs? It would become the tiniest song with the largest atomic mass!

9:33am Sem Chumbo:

@F✩F✩ (: brilliant idea, a Readers Digest version. Who would have thought?

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9:33am Ken From Hyde Park:

How long is the EAS announcement?

9:34am Sem Chumbo:

@KFHP: I give it a 1. No melody and you can't dance to it.

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9:37am Ken From Hyde Park:

OK, then. Next, I submit the signal when you reach a non-working telephone number. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. One tone each.

9:37am F✩F✩ (:

What about commissioning a 16-seconds song to the Passionate and Objective Joker Fan? He's so prolific that I bet he could produce 10 songs in less than 16 seconds.

9:38am Robert:

Perhaps you could batch download from SoundCloud and then use a Linux script or MS-DOS batch utility to sort by file size. That'd get you an approximation of duration from which you could proceed manually to find an appropriate ultra-short.

9:46am Emile:

fmu swag just arrived!

9:48am Robert:

I got it: just search 15-sec. commercials, radio or TV. Gotta be lots of jingles & background songs there, then just a matter of fitting your other criteria.

9:49am bobdoesthings:

whoa Monks cover.. gnarly

9:50am Stevel:

Complication pic may have achieved perfection.

9:50am jeff:

A.O.D.'s Paul's Not Home is like 11 seconds

9:50am F✩F✩ (:

Did you know that the Napalm Death's 1 second song has a video?! Yes! It features a girl that just jumps, cries and then gets shot. Pretty obvious plot, don't you think? I mean, what other story can you fit under 2 seconds?

P.S. DIE GOLDEEEEEN ZITROOONEN + CHICKS ON SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

9:54am w41:

Tuned in just in time to hear Udon! Awesome! Good day to all!

9:54am glenn:

"baby shoes for sale, never worn".

9:55am Sem Chumbo:

@glenn:apocryphal Hemingway or the real deal? Any idea of the source?

9:56am holland oats:

talk about noodling
BOOM! thx i'm here all week (i really am)

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9:56am Ken:

Yeah I got Napalm Death but those are not real songs. They're just sonic blasts, which is cool but Im looking for real songs that re less than 15 seconds. Thanks to all the suggestions - I will check them all out after the show today.

9:57am glenn:

yes. hemingway.

9:57am cory:

There's always the Short Music for Short People compilation.

9:57am northguineahills:

I love this Matmos.

9:58am Lewis:

@Ken - Michael Shelly might have some good ideas

9:59am Brendan:

This has a nice country feel. Makes me wanna sit on the porch with a can of aerosolized cheeze wizz and a Pabst , have good meal and fall asleep droolin

10:00am bobdoesthings:

I remember an album by Curl Up and Die where the first 4-5 tracks were all 3-4 seconds each one word.. and I think it said something like "We are all dead" or something.. so the opening of the cd was 4-5 songs that repeated the same 3-4 seconds with one word screamed/growled over the chords.

10:00am ?:

Hey, @Ken and all! I know they're not proper songs, but Gerogerigegege made two EPs of 99 songs fit into 15 minutes each. Orthrelm also did something like this.

10:01am doca:

ops, that ? is me

10:01am Stevel:

Kenny Price

www.youtube.com...

10:02am Lewis:

leonard cohen on song writing as quoted on brain pickings (tinyurl.com...):

"My ordinary state of mind is very much like the waiting room at the DMV"

10:05am adrian in mpls:

i agree with you on the "volume issue" ken.....soon it will be: "now that's what i call the wire tapper #105"

10:05am holland oats:

golden hair is pretty short (the song not the hair)

10:06am holland oats:

you suffer but why? why, ken, why?

10:06am F✩F✩ (:

Crash and the Boys - I'm So Sad, So Very, Very Sad (13 seconds)

Note: Sounds pathetic but this is actually a funny song and it is featured in the Scott Pilgrim vs The World movie.

10:07am cory:

damn, GWAR's Fish Fuck is 34 seconds,

10:07am ᏠЄႶႶỊѺµЄ:

The Happy Birthday song?

10:08am adrian in mpls:

Ken -- might there be some good short "songs" in the People Like Us archives/playlists?

10:09am Mark S:

The Wire is very quaint not only do they still send CDs but this month's issue also had a bookmark enclosed

10:09am Lewis:

I have an 11sec version of row row your boat ...

10:09am ᏠЄႶႶỊѺµЄ:

I keep thinking of songs from when I was a kid.

"Here comes the bride
All dressed in pink
Open the windows
And let out the stink"

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10:10am Webhamster Henry:

They Might Be Giants are really good at this. Try the "Fingertips" songs from Apollo 18, and on their new one "Nanobots" there are a few, although "Decision Makers" clocks in at 16 seconds.

10:10am holland oats:

gamel kamasu

10:10am F✩F✩ (:

Check UbuRadio. It features tons of dada artists/musicians doing loads of crap music under 16 seconds.

10:10am Andrew Waterloo:

The Soft Machine's A Concise British Alphabet - Part II is 12 seconds.

10:12am Mark S:

The name of track 6 on Gamel is " Gamel Kamasu"

10:13am F✩F✩ (:

Problem with OOIOO is that you can never know if she made that song on her own or she simply ripped-off note by note the work of some other unknown artist.

10:15am Art:

It must be Gary Byrd week at FMU

10:16am Brian in UK:

Ken, into the short song mix Arthur Lee's 'You Can Save Up to 50%, But You're Still a Long Ways from Home' from Vindicator. You could have a subsection of titles longer than songs.

10:16am holland oats:

@F✩F✩ (: why do you say that?

10:16am Marcel M:

Oh my god what the hell

10:17am glenn:

pecan coloured??? raw or roasted?

10:18am Marcel M:

It would have been really funny if he said roasted pecan hah

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10:19am Webhamster Henry:

There are lots of short cuts on Dr. Nerve's, Beta 14 OK, but only a few have anything like lyrics.

10:20am bobdoesthings:

www.youtube.com...

10:21am bobdoesthings:

some audio clips from his book..

10:21am bobdoesthings:

somewhere out there there is a long compilation of all his best lines from his book. can't find at the moment..

10:23am arturo:

Yesterday, I made an accidental mash-up of Brian McBride with the Old Codger ranting over the top. It was epic.

10:24am nostaligic:

born for the plind

10:24am northguineahills:

Well I'll be damned, Mark S, there is a bookmark (I'm still reading April's issue)

10:31am F✩F✩ (:

Holland oats,

Just an example that I am aware of: She plagiarised Roberto De Simone's Secondo Coro delle Lavandaie opera song and never gave him credit for it.

10:33am holland oats:

10:37am tidalene:

Sorry to bug you guys. I'm trying to find a song from a show last week and I can't find it on any of the playlists. It was a young girl singing the entire Scientology space opera -- volcanos, nuclear bombs, evil galactic overlord and so on... Does anyone remember whose show that was on?

10:39am bobdoesthings:

@tidaelene - did you try the search?

10:40am Dan B From Upstate:

www.wfmu.org... "The Way That It Began" by The Fabulous Entrourage. 55 minutes, 52 seconds.

10:42am karl_mundt:

cannibals!

10:42am KOTJ:

They 'et 'im.

10:42am holland oats:

those african movie posters will cost you an arm and a leg

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10:44am Webhamster Henry:

Timothy was a studio joke, bt it turned into a hit and then they had to make a band and tour with it.

10:45am P-90:

Rotosound Strings Jingle by The Who
It's a Boy by the Who
Decisions Makers by They Might be Giants
Short Songs by Dead Kennedys
Hit by Guided by Voices
Doin Fine by Groovie Ghoulies
Don't Care by Circle Jerks
Scary Smurf by Kid Dynamite

Q: Do TV theme songs count? There are lots of GREAT ones under 20 seconds...

10:46am egal:

Novelty songs are an extinct art form.

10:47am βrian:

Gif Garrote activated; earphones on ...

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10:47am AnAnonymousParty:

Do cannibals really eat body parts like corn-on-the-cob?

10:48am bobdoesthings:

@anannon - I'd like to think they're still civilized and cook it proper and serve with wine and silverware.

10:48am nate:

I have been away for a few weeks, did anyone find the Jandek dollar ?

10:49am egal:

According the the puritan colonists, native americans would serve them a stew, leavened with human flesh. The "Black Eucharist" was the name of this dish.

10:49am Mark S:

We'd have to ask a cannibal

10:50am adrian in mpls:

@nate Jim Price played the Jandek the other day

10:51am F✩F✩ (:

Nice alibi, nate. Now...WHERE'S THE MONEY?!?!?

10:52am nate:

but was it THAT Jandek cd... he has about 79 of them

10:52am βrian:

"Crever un cheval" is to work a horse to death. Not sure about this particular usage, though.

10:52am Tome:

good morning Ken ,, good morning kiddles ,,

10:53am tidalene:

@Dan B THANK YOU!!!

10:53am listener mark:

Jim Price played it. He found a one dollar bill.

10:55am danjoseph:

This sounds like "payola" Ken, didn't Eliot Spitzer put an end to that during his time as Attorney General??!!

10:55am P-90:

Jim Price for the Win!
Way to earn the 20 AND make it listenable..!
Gotta check that on archive.

10:56am nate:

thank you for closure on that anecdote

10:58am Rev. Turnip Druid:

KUBIN!

10:59am Rev. Turnip Druid:

G'mornin, troops.

11:00am F✩F✩ (:

Ken,

What about the aftermath of that anecdote you said you were to told us about the band that did that cover of the Bohemian Rhapsody?

11:01am Mark S:

Is playing Jandek winning?

11:02am coelacanth:

Hello Folks!

11:03am P-90:

Hail coelacanth!

11:05am nate:

@Mark S - a college course could be taught on that subject

11:05am marmalade kitty:

Hola!

11:06am Mark S:

Nate, are you volunteering?

11:07am βrian:

@Coelacanth: I remember reading an account of your "rediscovery" in 1938. Extinct, indeed!

11:07am coelacanth:

P-90!

Very entertaining gifs as usual.

11:07am F✩F✩ (:

This is how they did the bra gun drop spy GIF:

The woman is hanging from the ceiling and the GIF is played backwards thus giving the impression that the bra and the gun falls into her.

If you don't take her hair movement into account there's NO flaw on my GIF logical analysis.

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11:07am Ken:

Cam somebody make me a "WFMU" out of the alphabet next to the Die Partei song?

11:09am Sem Chumbo:

Hiya, coel. All good, I hope.
Hey, P-90!

11:10am coelacanth:

βrian -Yes,i was lurking all along...much like i do now!

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11:10am AnAnonymousParty:

Never shoot a gun without wearing a bra, gals. Don't believe me? Ask my wife.

11:11am bobdoesthings:

imgur.com...

11:11am bobdoesthings:

there ya go ken

11:11am P-90:

Corection: if you check the woman's hair you can see she is NOT upside down. She did the "bra catch" herself and the gun is a computer generated image.

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11:12am Ken:

Damn Bob, that was fast!

11:13am Stevel:

bobdoesthingsfast

11:13am bobdoesthings:

@Ken - I am pro retoucher.. I do photoshop alllllll day long. This took 1 min.

11:14am P-90:

@bobdoes: things fast!

11:14am karl_mundt:

@P-90: and she appears to be nippleless

11:14am coelacanth:

Sem! Good, but i must work soon.
'Hope you're well too.

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11:15am AnAnonymousParty:

Touch a pro once and you're a pro toucher. Touch a pro twice and you're a pro re-toucher?

11:16am bobdoesthings:

@anannon... oh my... I must use this in the future... thank you. hahaha

11:16am Pro:

Oh, yes!

11:17am Rev. Turnip Druid:

WOM!

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11:18am AnAnonymousParty:

@bob

One does what one can.

11:18am hamburger:

#attitude

11:18am F✩F✩ (:

Next task for bobdoesthings:

Remove the bra from that GIF.

11:19am Roberto:

Did anyone catch Mary Wing's set of WL covers from last week? The lyrics get kind of heavy after three versions or so.

11:19am Andrew Waterloo:

Warm Leatherette! Just finished reading the book

11:20am P-90:

@ Andrew: No spoilers please

11:20am Dan B From Upstate:

Ha. I just listened to Mary Wing's archive yesterday. She played this song for an hour. It was pretty heavy.

11:21am coelacanth:

I will NOT not listen to that archive!

11:21am Dan B From Upstate:

Oh, Ha! Just saw Roberto's post. I'm with you.

11:21am Roberto:

Yeppity yeps, Dan B!

11:21am F✩F✩ (:

I'm sorry people to interrupt your animated conversation.

* Ahem *

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:22am P-90:

Definitely the most "out" choice for 3oaK ever!

11:27am Emannuel Goodtdaughter:

Ken, where did you hear that Chris Denny lost his testicles in a "kitchen accident"? Notwithstanding, I really like his music. Thanks for playing it.

11:27am Stevel:

Wow, to the Mary Wing marathon.

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11:34am Ken:

Emmanuel - I think I giot that from his publicist? Not sure. I like his music too.

11:37am P-90:

Sort of a coincidence: I once almost lost a testicle in a "kitten accident"

11:38am egal:

This song brings back memories of the Palladium.

11:38am Mark S:

Bootsy!

11:38am herb.nyc:

(Ooh, wnyc's Bill Lehrer just said "7 second delay")

11:39am w41:

space farts!

11:40am Andy Plants:

Yea boi

11:44am madman_mundt:

hey ken, i'm not asking for a booty gif

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11:45am AnAnonymousParty:

"Turns out it's not funny at all when you fart in a space-suit."

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11:45am Webhamster Henry:

Next Marathon Premium: Rubber horse masks?

11:45am βrian:

Nor am I asking to hear Dr Baby Botty-Grabber Animal ...

11:47am Some dude:

In 2012 Dennis Diken with Bell Sound recorded a version or Love Grows for a fundraising album titled Super Hits of the Seventies for radio station WFMU.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_Grows_(Where_My_Rosemary_Goes)

11:48am Jiminy Cricket:

Now, if I only had someone to shout out to ...

11:48am Andy Plants:

Ken and his boomboxx on the platform waiting for the Duane train

11:48am nate:

"you suffer" by napalm death, that's about 3 seconds

11:49am bobdoesthings:

You should phone the gulch ahead of time.. so they can prepare for tonight's train wreck.

11:49am DANIMAL:

HOW BOUT BANANNA PHONE?

11:51am Jiminy Cricket:

How 'bout, Electronic Dream Phone ?

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11:52am AnAnonymousParty:

Where you goin' with that toothpick?

11:53am Jiminy Cricket:

Hey where you goin' on that Duane train ?

11:55am bobdoesthings:

great show, thanks ken!

11:57am northguineahills:

Thanks Ken!

11:58am Sullivan Ballou:

Ken thanks with thanks Ken and thenks Kan!

11:59am coelacanth:

Thanks Ken.

ciao peoples.

11:59am F✩F✩ (:

Thank you, Ken! Exquisite choice of GIFs and gorgeous selection of music. Till next episode everybody!

12:07pm Keith in Oregon:

I think "The Life Song" by Mason Williams would be perfect for your concept tonight. It's a little long for your purposes, 24 seconds I think, but it WOULD get funnier with repeated playing. The lyrics are: "Isn't life beautiful/Isn't life gay/Isn't life the perfect thing to pass the time away?" It's on "The Mason Williams Phonograph Record", I think.