X-Ray by Ray Davis

Literary Value: Surprisingly good neo-Kafka-esque writing. Snaps for cutting it off after Village Green Preservation Society.
Sleaze Factor: Medium to High
Favorite Page: Ray tries to arrange a marriage between his pesky younger brother Dave and the real David Watts, a retired military man.

"I asked the Major if he fancied Mick. He said, `Oh God, no, not that slut. I'm more interested in that little whore,' and pointed to Dave, who was dancing with Mick. Then various members of the regional constabulary and other local dignitaries arrived to join in the impromptu festivities which, by some strange coincidence, were without women, in drag or otherwise. After downing half a bottle of Pinkers, I decided that positive action should be taken. I seized the moment and started negotiations with the Major for my brother's hand, thinking that he would be outraged at this suggestion and have us thrown out. Was he actually interested? Or was he just playing along? Here was an opportunity of finally unloading my little brother."

Kink by Dave Davies

Literary Value: Good straight forward expository writing for the first two thirds, then he is visited by flying saucers and it all goes to heck.
Sleaze Factor: Starts of very high then dips
Favorite Passage: Dave's take on David Watts

"The transformation in our host, David Watts, was truly the most extraordinary. This smart, tough-looking disciplinarian type had, by the continued use of alcohol and hashish, gone through a staggering metamorphosis. Before our eyes this pillar of the community had become a delightfully funny, witty, flagrantly eccentric and flamboyant homosexual. With arms flailing theatrically in the air as he danced and pranced, Watts stole kisses from his police friends at every opportunity. His facial muscles flexed into absurd and contorted expressions that would not have been out of place in a Fellini film...David (Watts) took me aside to a quiet corner for a chat. He was extremely drunk. He leered lustfully at me through his big doggy watery eyes. He invited me upstairs to a small gym that he had built alongside his bedroom and asked me to work out on his exercise bicycle. I seized the opportunity like a true prick-teaser.

"As I cycled and sweated and sweated, I could sense that David was reaching the perspiring limits of self-control. Now I understood how women felt when being leched at by some perverse and dirty old man. It was quite an interesting feeling of power. I must admit. After some strategic maneuvering by David, we ended up in a full and deep embrace, his arms wrapped around me like a seething octopus."

Be My Baby by Ronnie Spector with Vince Walden

Literary Value: Charming
Favorite Passage: The inflatable Phil Spector

I was amazed as when he reached into the trunk of my brand-new car and pulled out that life-sized inflatable plastic mannequin.

"What do you think?" he asked, holding it in the air like a giant trophy. I didn't know what to say. The thing was as big as he was, and it was dressed in a pair of his best pants and a freshly ironed shirt. In fact, the thing looked exactly like Phil in every way, except that its knees were bent in a permanent sitting position. "Well," I said. "It's you, right?" He nodded his head.
"C'mon," he said. "Is it perfect or what?"
"Yeah. Its...really..." I paused, wracking my brain for the right word. "Perfect. But, Phil. What is it supposed
to do?"

"I'll show you," he said. I watched in utter amazement as he walked to the passenger door, opened it, and carefully placed the inflatable Phil in the bucket seat. Then he fastened a seat belt across the guy's lap, straightened its shirt collar, and adjusted the cloth hat that sat on top of the thing's pink plastic head. "There," he said, stepping back. "Oh, wait," he added. "Almost forgot the finishing touch."

Then he ran back over to the inflatable man, pulled out a cigarette, and fitted it into the thing's mouth. Finally, he slammed the door and stood back. "Tah-daah!" he said, turning to me with a crooked little smile. "What do you think?"

"It's great, Phil," I said, and I wasn't lying. Sitting there like that this plastic guy really did look almost real. "But I still don't get it," I said. "Why do I want it to look like there's somebody in the car with me when there isn't?"

"Don't you get it?" he asked in a tone of voice that made me feel like I must've missed something. "It's for when you're driving alone." I still looked completely confused, so he spelled it out for me. "Now nobody will fuck with you when you're driving alone."

So that was it. Phil had actually gone to the trouble of making a dummy of himself to watch over me when he wasn't around. I was wondering if he'd gone insane as I watched him make a few last-minute adjustments in the tilt of the guy's hat. He really was proud of his little masterpiece.

The Life and Times of Little Richard by Charles White

Sleaze Factor: Advanced
Favorite Passage: A backstage threesome with Buddy Holly and ex-wife Angel

"Buddy liked Angel. He was a wild boy for the women. One time we were playing at the Paramount Theater and Buddy came into my dressing room while I was jacking off with Angel sucking my titty. Angel had the fastest tongue in the West. Well, she was doing that to me and Buddy took out his thing. He was ready, so she opened up her legs and he put it in her. He was having sex with Angel, I was jacking off, and Angel was sucking me, when they introduced his name on stage! He was trying to rush so he could run on stage. He made it, too. He finished and went to the stage still fastening himself up. I'll never forget that. He came and he went."

I'd Rather Be The Devil Skip James & the Blues by Stephen Calt

Sleaze Factor: High
Favorite Passage: Concerning Skip's medical problems

"Just as his infallible antennae had failed to warn him of the underminer in Tunica, so did the $265 James paid to lift his `jinks of death' fail to alleviate his condition. In early 1965, he became a patient at D.C. General Hospital. To James' horror, he was castrated after doctors discovered his tumor was cancerous."

Great Balls of Fire: The Uncensored Story of Jerry Lee Lewis
by Myra Gail Lewis with Murray Silver

Sleaze Factor: Way up there
Favorite Passage: Paul Anka meets the Killer

"I never hadda beer before," Paul commented to his friends.
"Do tell," said Jay (Brown), winking at the others. "Well, you'd like it."
"Looks good," Paul said thirstily.
"Is good," said Jay. "I think we can find you a glass."
"Oh, no," Paul protested, "I gotta sing tonight. I'm the headliner, you know. I'll just have a Coke."
"The headliner?" Jerry hollered from the end of the bench.
"That's right." Paul flashed his toothy grin.
"No Cokes," said Jerry. "they ain't been invented here yet. Alls they serve here is beer."
"How about milk?"
"Sure, if you can stomach the stuff. It comes from kangaroos."

The boys cracked up over that one. Warming to the occasion, Paul decided to join them in just one beer.

"Go on now, Paul," Jerry prompted. "Ain't nothin' in it to hurt ya. They give it to babies."

Paul took bird sips at the mug, managing to suck down some of the suds. Finding nothing objectionable about the taste, he took a long, steady drink.

"Like it?" Jay asked.
"Yeah, boy," Paul squeaked.
"Good. Have another. They got plenty."
"I feel pretty good," Paul braved after finishing his first beer.
"Loosens up the vocal cords, " Jerry stated.
"It does?" Paul asked in amazement.
"Absolutely. Wouldn't go on without a coupla beers first. Right, Jay?"
"Right. J'ever notice how sometimes you'll get up there to sing an' your throat gets tight an' you can't hit them high notes? Beer fixes all that." Jay smiled, getting up to fetch another bucket. After two more trips to the window, the boys were glad all over, having led impressionable Paul down the path to blue ruin.

"Come on, Paul," Jerry said, "I'll drive you around a spell so you can sober up. You boys go on back to the hotel an' I'll look after Anchor here."

Jerry poured Paul into the rental car and took off into the Australian countryside. Paul clutched his stomach and doubled over. When next he opened his eyes, he found himself in the middle of nowhere. There was no recognizable landmark, only dense brush and few open spaces.

"What're we stoppin' for?" Paul asked dizzily.

"We're stoppin' here `cause I'm gonna kill you," Jerry joked with a straight face. "No one will ever know what happened to Paul Anchor. They'll never find you, there'll be no one to blame. They'll jus' think you've run off with the kangaroos."

Paul began to cry. "Lemme go, please. I haven't done nothin'."

"Don't matter, Paul, it's the perfect crime. No body, no witnesses. I've always wanted to do it. Now's my chance. Didn't you know about headliners, Paul? I've always hated headlines," Jerry said quietly.

Paul got sick. It was time for the prank to end. Jerry drove Paul to the hotel, where he ran upstairs to his room and stayed there. That night, the emcee informed the capacity crown that the headliner was unable to perform due to illness. For the rest of the week, for the rest of his life, Paul Anka kept a great distance from the Killer.

Last Train to Memphis: The Rise of Elvis Presley by Peter Guarlnick

Sleaze Factor: Not much but what it's got is great
Favorite Passage: Elvis meets Ira Louvin

Elvis was hanging around the dressing room with the Louvins, singing hymns and playing the piano when, in the recollection of Ira's younger brother, Charlie, "Elvis said, `Boy, this is my favorite music.' Well, Ira walked up and said, `Why, you white nigger, if that's your favorite music, why don't you do that out yonder? Why do you do that nigger trash out there?' Presley said, `When I'm out there, I do what they want to hear æ when I'm back here, I can do what I want to do.'"
Ira flashed and "tried to strangle him," according to Charlie, "and they were very distant from that point on."

Nico - The Life and Times of an Icon by Richard Witts

Sleaze Factor: Off the chart
Favorite Passage: Fun with Nico and Brian Jones

(Too disgusting to reprint. Consult Pages 106-107 –ed.)

Under a Hoodoo Moon
by Dr. John (Mac Rebennack) with Jack Rummel

Sleaze Factor: Wow!
Favorite Passage: Past jobs

"When I had my bullshit pimping operation, I tried an abortion business on the side with this doctor, whom I'll call Joe. Joe once told me he used to do abortions for women in a concentration camp in Europe. After the war, he had skipped to the States and ended up in New Orleans, where he stuck with the hustle he knew best. It was part of my job to get rid of the bodies of the little babies. Joe would give me a package with a baby inside, and I'd take it to the Seventeenth Street drainage canal and throw it in. For years, I used to have nightmares about the bodies of these little babies floating around in the water."

The Hound can be heard the second Saturday of each month on WFMU from 3-6PM. He lives & loves in NYC